It doesn't matter
by Spooksdarkhero
Summary: Set during the episode 'Normal Again' in order to escape from her hallucination Buffy must kill off her friends.


It doesn't matter

Xander Harris had often felt like he was going to die.

Being the only 'normal' one on the hell mouth meant that he felt like was a walking target. He was after all 'the Zeppo' of the group. The doughnut boy, the one who said something stupid rather than do something smart. But never did he think like he was going to die like this.

Not like this.

Sure he knew he was never popular with girls. High school taught him that. For every make out session with Cordelia Chase there was rejection, abuse, mocking and laughter at his attempts at dating there. But never did he really felt he was going to die from them.

She was moving towards him now. He was reminded of 'The Terminator' in her movements. They were slow, mechanical and certainly not Buffy like. Was this what she was reduced to a robot?

Buffy was his friend. His one time crush. She had opened his eyes to the world. He was never the same after he knew the existence of vampires and demons. For a boy who was told that he would never amount to anything nor ever leave town he had a chance to make a difference with knowing Buffy. She was a real life superhero… and he was her friend. If helping her meant help save the world then that's what he would do because friends help each other.

"Buffy please!" he gasped.

She stalked towards him and he couldn't get away from her. He was tied up to a post. Defenceless and useless. Oh how many times had he felt like that in his life!

"Buffy this isn't you! I'm your friend!" Xander cried.

"Your not real" Buffy told him her voice sounding robotic and without feeling. "The doctors told me your just part of my hallucination. Nothing more. Killing you is meaningless as no one will miss you, no one cares for you nor do they know you. Why? Because your not real."

_Thanks for the pep talk_ he said to himself amazed at his ability to make jokes at the worst situations. What he wouldn't give to have the ability to rewind time or break ropes like they were nothing.

This wasn't happening.

This was a nightmare.

A nightmare brought on by too many twinkies and beer.

A nightmare brought on by him missing Anya.

He missed Anya

"Remember me Buff" he yelled at her "remember all the times we have shared together! The near death experiences? Like the time you were under a love spell! Or the time I followed you when you were trying to find Jesse! These events are real Buffy they happened!"

Buffy paused and for a second Xander felt relief that he had gotten past this wall she had built up. However any relief that he had felt for a second went straight out the window when he saw the knife she raised into view.

"Your no one to me" Buffy said blankly.

_I prefer 'I just don't think of you that way Xander' _his mind once again coming up with a joke.

Never had a knife looked sharper than when it was being directed at you. He couldn't take his eyes off it. He felt he was like a deer in headlights.

"Oh god!" Xander cried in shock seeing the knife.

Buffy moved towards him crouching down before him. She was inches away from him. He could make out her smell. Vanilla no doubt some shampoo she had used just that morning. He could clearly make out her features. Her shiny lips and her cute nose stood out. Her nose and its uniqueness was something he had always had a soft spot for. He had simply never seen one quite like it. No actress or model or friend had one that looked like Buffy's nose. Xander had decided long ago that he really did have it bad for her if he could wax lyrical about her nose.

"When your gone I will be free" Buffy told him.

"This is your home!" Xander yelled at her "your processed! Mind controlled!"

"Your lies don't matter anymore" Buffy responded with a chilling calmness.

He was shaking. He was scared. This had to be moments away from being interrupted right? Giles, Anya hell even dead boy! Someone was going to come running down those stairs shouting words to some spell and it was going to snap Buffy out of the state she was in. That's what's going to happen! Anytime now!

Anytime now.

He felt something wet appear on his shirt. He looked down and realised it was his blood. She had stabbed him. He was bleeding. She had made him bleed. Buffy had made him bleed.

He felt pain.

A searing pain.

She had stabbed him in the chest.

His chest tighten and Xander looked down in fear at the knife now sticking out of left side close to his heart. She had moved so fast he hadn't even seen the knife move…

must be nice to be a slayer.

"Oh god Buff!" Xander coughed and gasped a deep breath sucking in as much air as possible… that wouldn't matter soon.

"Buffy your processed okay!?" Xander whispered harshly. She didn't respond. Her face was still had the same cold, blank look as it had been ever since he had come to in the basement. Nonetheless Xander continued "so I don't blame you! Don't let them blame you for this!"

She twisted the knife opening the would more. More blood came pouring out. His t shirt was now covered in it. It was all his. He coughed again and blood came out of his mouth.

It was getting harder to breath

He felt like he was drowning.

Like he was underwater.

It was then to his horror that he realised he felt like that because his lungs where filling with his own blood.

"Buffy tell Anya I'm sorry" Xander pleaded gasping for breath. "If you wake from this tell her I'm so sorry."

Her fingers squeezed tighter around his neck. He couldn't breath anymore.

He stared in her eyes looking for one trace of the girl he knew.

He found none.

He died alone without one of his closest friends there to protect or help him.

Instead she killed him.

Buffy Summers had killed Xander Harris.

Finish

Comments and reviews always welcome


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